Getting Teens to the Dinner Table

by Carrie Lundell | January 24, 2012 | Meal Planning | 3 Comments

Studies show there are numerous benefits to sitting down to family dinner with your children. As small children turn into teenagers, the benefits (including better communication, higher grades and lower incident of eating disorders and drug use) become even more critical. But, with school, jobs, friends and the freedom cars can afford, getting teenagers to the dinner table becomes infinitely more difficult. I grew up eight years behind my closest sibling. So, even though I was one of eight children, I was basically an “only child” starting at age 10 when my next-oldest sibling went away to college.

Still, my parents expected that I have dinner with them almost every night. You can imagine how uninviting this scenario could have been. However, there were a few things my parents did to make my teenage self look forward to family dinner instead of dread it.

• Share the Work: While some teenagers might view grocery shopping and cooking as extra work they’d rather skip out on, taking on those responsibilities once in a while made me feel confident, competent and “all grown up.” And when I cooked, my parents would take on my job of cleaning, which I was happy to give up.

• Make Good Conversation: Rarely, if ever, did our dinner conversations involve topics that could devolve into nagging, nitpicking and faultfinding. Conversations stayed on topics that were fun, uplifting, entertaining and/or informative. I did not need to dread family dinner because I knew there was never the possibility of a lecture.

• Cook Great Food: I don’t think my mom catered to my tastes all the time, but she did cook a lot of food I really loved to eat. On those days, I was definitely happier to show up and eat dinner with the family.

• Bring a Friend: The best thing my mom ever did was to set an extra place at the dinner table. That extra place setting meant there was an open invitation for any of my friends to have dinner any night. As I mentioned, my mom cooked delicious food, so even if I didn’t want to go home for dinner, I often had a friend who wanted a good (and free) hot meal.

I believe eating together as a family is as crucial as it is difficult during the teenage years. Even though my children are a few years away from being teenagers, eating together now will help build a family habit, making it a little easier to continue as the kids become older and schedules become busier.

Do you remember eating together as a family when you were a teenager? Which meals kept you coming back and why?

Before Carrie Lundell was a mountain biking, minivan driving, wardrobe refashioning, public school advocating, church going, race running mother of four living in the OC, she designed children’s clothes in NYC for a little company that rhymes with Cold Gravy. 

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1. [...] infinitely more difficult. I’m over at the Together Counts blog again today talking about four things my parents did to make my teenage self look forward to family dinner instead of dread i… I’d love to hear what has worked for you (if you have teenagers) or what worked (or [...]

   Pingback by 4 Ways to Get Your Teens to the Dinner Table (and like it) | This Mama Makes Stuff on January 24, 2012 at 5:38 pm

2. I am the mother of 4 (fabulous) young people; a daughter of 24, and sons of 23,19 and 17. The youngest is still at home full-time and the 19 year old is at university, but home for holidays. We always sat to eat as a family – and still do. Although I work full-time, I grew up in a large family where the meal table was where we shared our day and put the world to rights. My tips:
   1. Serve food that is easy – stuff that the kids like (chilli, pasta, salads, shepherd’s pies etc) – don’t make the food the main thing – it is the sharing that counts. You can’t force teens to eat – be reasonable. Allow them to experiment in the kitchen. My husband and i are vegetarian but our kids are not – that is their choice. I like nice table manners, but I set ground rules when they were young – I don’t nag now!
   2. Give everyone the right to have an opinion and don’t shout them down – they are entitled to be different – even if we don’t agree with our kids, they are evolving adults and have the right to their thoughts and opinions and should be respected.
   3. Facilitate discussion at the table – not arguments – my 4 are all vocal in their opinions and know they won’t get shouted down if they express a different opinion.
   4. Use lots of humour. Be interested in their musical tastes (you don’t have to like it) and welcome their emerging identities.
   5. Make their friends feel welcome – spaghetti bolognaise can cheaply feed 6 or 12 – does it matter?
   6. Remember the Danish proverb ‘where there’s room in the heart, there’s room in the home’.
   Finally, if young people associate food and the table with warmth, sharing (food and opinions), laughter, they will want to come.

   Comment by Jessie on January 24, 2012 at 7:11 pm

3. Hello,
   I came across your website and found your articles on family interesting. I just had a couple of questions so if you could e-mail me back that would be great!

   Comment by Megan on January 27, 2012 at 4:16 pm